A few weeks ago I had an appointment with Dr. Amols to make sure that everything looked good to start up IVF at the end of July. He wanted to do a specific kind of ultrasound to make sure that my uterus was shaped normally. I was pretty nervous for this test because it sounded like it could be pretty uncomfortable & involved something with a balloon type thing & shooting water, I always think who comes up with these tests? Are they just trying to come up with the weirdest, most uncomfortable tests.. haha!

My mom ended up coming with me, which was nice & we got lunch beforehand & went shopping. When they started the test everything seemed fine & the doctor was talking to me & asking me questions. Then he got silent & started asking the nurse for different tools & I could just tell that something was wrong. I was so scared & also the test was uncomfortable & took a long time & then finally the doctor told me that something wasn't quite right & to get dressed & meet him in the consult room. I got dressed quickly & went in the room & he told me that he thought I might have a septum that was blocking my uterus. He told me to set up an appointment that week to do another test with a camera (a hysteroscopy) to make sure that was what I had.

I came back a few days later, had another very uncomfortable & long test & they were able to take pictures & videos to determine that I did indeed have what is called a vaginal septum. So then, instead of starting IVF, we had to cancel everything.

I am thankful for what I have though. Nate & I have such a strong marriage & he has always been there for me. I am thankful for my belief in God & that has gotten me through this! This surgery could be a good thing in the long run, it's possible that they could remove the septum & then I could get pregnant naturally now & from then on, which would be the most amazing thing every. I'm thankful that they were able to discover this issue before we started IVF & at this time rather than years later.

I was just thinking about how over a year ago I was hoping to get chosen for an IVF study where it would cost $1,600 instead of $16,000 to do IVF. You had to have certain levels to qualify & I met all of them except my AMH level was a little too high. Dr. Craig (my doctor at the time) had me take the test a 2nd time when I was dehydrated to see if it would lower a little. We were hoping & praying so badly that I would qualify. We fasted & prayed & put all our hopes into the chance that I would qualify. I got a call that the results showed I qualified for the study but it had just barely filled up so I would not be able to do it. I remember just crying so hard & not being able to stop & wondering why I was having to deal with this & why I was so close to have this chance of being able to get pregnant but having that taken away. I didn't understand why that would happen to me. Now, almost exactly a year later, I can see that had we done IVF I would have had no chance of getting pregnant & I would have had to go through all of the shots & medication & the stress of IVF without even having a chance that it would work. My miracle was that Dr. Amols was able to discover I needed surgery. I am still not pregnant & never have been but I am hoping for another miracle. I can see now why I wasn't chosen for that study & why even though it was incredibly sad, it was better for me in the longrun. I know that when I am able to get pregnant & have children, I will be able to see the larger picture & be able to see reasons why I needed to wait.